Due to the hyper sensitivity around football at the moment, I’ll review recent events with the delicacy of Edward Scissorhands knocking one out.
We visited Anfield, home of our favourite neighbours for a jolly affair. Before the match there were Hillsborough related silences, balloons and flowers. All was handled respectfully by both sides and the entire match carried on in the same vein really. The highlight of the 1st half was when Jimbob Shelvey slipped and accidentally caused pain to Jonny Evans. Jimbob, being the respectful young man he is, volunteered to leave the field of play and while heading for the tunnel he screamed “I’M SORRY FOR LOWERING THE TONE!” in the direction of Sir Alex Ferguson. At half-time, the players served each other orange quarters and dilute squash before wishing their opponents all the best for the 2nd half. Almost as soon as the match had resumed, that delightful chap and friend to DJs worldwide, Steven Gerrard gave the home side a 1-0 lead and Manchester United players, fans and most notably manager applauded with aplomb. Five minutes later, and wanting to keep things pleasant, the plucky scousers stepped aside to allow Rafael to curl in a lovely goal and make it 1-1. (More …)