Deadline day has now become an institution in the football calendar. This season, our own sheep herder Mr Young followed the drama from the early hours to the final seconds. Here is his timeline of events.
05:30 Transfer deadline day hits a snag as Sky Sports (official partner of the transfer day) can’t locate Jimmy Deadline White.
05:58 White has been found in the doorway of a large shop in Ealing, clearly under the influence of alcohol and ketamine and it is believed he had scrawled ‘It’s my big day, NOT YOURS’ under the poster in the shop window which promoted a one day only sale.
6:11 Sandra Redknapp starts her daily face manipulation programme on ‘Arry. Ever since his face was removed after a heavy poker loss and replaced with a melted welly he has needed 35 minutes of invigorating finger massage before he can leave the house.
6:19 Ed Woodward leaves the shower on urgent transfer business.
6:21 Peter Odemwingie spotted in BP garage buying armfuls of maps
6:47 ‘Arry Redknapp launches a double swoop for Adebayor and Assou-Ekotto. Daniel Levy ejaculates.
7:56 Everton are apparently keen on taking Zaha on loan. Ed Woodward leaves the kitchen on urgent transfer business.
8:42 Big Sam attempts to push through a loan for Fabio Quagliarella. On hearing the news from his agent Quagliarella announces he is retiring with immediate effect and as a precaution cuts off his own left foot with a teaspoon. (More …)